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Lunacy: Plumbing

05/22/15

  06:43:00 pm, by Nic Wilson   , 634 words  
Categories: Lunacy

Lunacy: Plumbing

?It?s really weird,? Paul said. ?What?? Rica asked. ?Living with two women- this feels a lot like Three?s Company.? ?Only without all the sexual tension?? Rica asked. ?Hey, I tried,? Clod said. ?Admirably,? Paul said. ?I?ve had roommates, but the only women I?ve ever lived with were ones I was? living with.? ?Bow chicka wow wow,? Rica said. ?I mean it certainly smells nicer. But I miss Levy. If only because if the plumbing gets destroyed, everybody knows it?s me.? ?You?ve clearly never used the toilet after Rica after Taco Night.? ?Or her after chimichangas. On any night.? ?I can?t not eat them.? ?You can. In fact, it?s made easier by just not making them in the first place.? ?But if you do that, the terrorists win.? ?Hey, if you want to turn your colon inside-out, that?s fine by me- do it, with my blessing.? Rica said, waving her hands. ?I miss Levy?s cooking,? she said. ?Namely I miss Taco Night having tacos that tasted like tacos. And didn?t make me do unspeakable things to our toilet.? ?I,? Clod hesitated, ?I think I just miss Levy. Like miss miss him.? ?Like you might like like him?? ?Yeah.? ?Whoa.? ?He had occasionally not so bad qualities. And I like a man with a big brain.? ?Eh,? Rica said. ?What?? ?I?m just not sure you aren?t being overly generous calling Levy a man. Not that there is anything wrong with dating little boys- provided they?re young at heart, and not underaged, rather. Some of the most fun I?ve had with men involved video games and general high school level immaturity.? ?I don?t know. For a lot of people I?ve found ?maturity? to be a code word for general unfunness. And? I was a combat medic in the Air Force, then a pilot, then an astronaut. I think I?ve had enough unfunness for a lifetime already. And you know, for all the crap we gave him-? ?You,? Rica said. ?It was mostly you,? Paul said. ?All the crap I gave him, then- you two are butts, by the way- he acquitted himself pretty admirably. Didn?t piss himself when he took the Bradbury to chase down the wolf. Kept you from biting me,? she said, and nodded to Rica. ?And, you know, it turns out, he didn?t mistakenly shoot Alisa. You know, for a nerdy butterball with a chin that kind of looked like a scrotum- okay, I think maybe I?ve talked myself out of finishing that sentence.? ?No, it?s adorable. You?re crushing on Levy.? ?Maybe. A teensy bit. Sorry,? she winced in Paul?s direction. ?No. It?s great. Flattered though I always was, I?m really trying hard to keep what is now a literally monstrous libido in check.? ?Monstrous?? ?Oh yeah,? Rica said. ?It?s bad enough I cloister myself in my room for a few hours after you?ve showered, to keep myself from pillaging.? Clod flushed. ?It?s the way you smell, and the way the water makes your hair cling to your face- I think I?m going to need a cold shower.? ?So it would be cruel of me to start walking around without a shirt on?? Clod asked. Rica and Paul exchanged a panicked glance. ?We will murder you, and tell NASA the Martians did it,? Rica said. Clod ruffled her hair. ?Aw, it?s so cute when you try to be threatening,? she said, and walked towards the kitchen. From the dark hallway, a rumpled shirt flew into the room, and came to a rest a few feet from them. ?I think we?ve created a monster,? Paul said. ?Just kidding,? Clod said, and walked into the room, still wearing her shirt. ?That?s from the laundry.? ?I?m not sure it?s a great idea to provoke the murderous rage-monsters,? Rica said. ?Maybe not,? Clod admitted, ?but it is fun.?

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