A Hole in Memory

She had a hole in her head- it was something we teased her about. A left over from when they cut the tumor out of her brain. She was lucky, I guess, because the brain is one of the places where radiation therapy works, and that, and the chemo, and that experimental drug trial she got into- it sent her cancer into remission. Cancer’s one of those diseases they never cure, because medicine isn’t that optimistic- but they force it back, shrinking it until they can’t find it any more. And then they hope. And this once, it worked. She lived her life out to its natural end, saw a few more grandchildren grow up and get married, experienced a few more family reunions- some planned and held at her sisters, others unexpected, and held in hospital rooms or at funerals. And when she passed, she was surrounded by her children, and their children, and her mother’s other children- at least the ones that were still left. But that’s not quite right- it’s a hole in our memory, filled with fantasy, and a future hoped-for. The surgery caused seizures, and a fever that scorched all that had been her, destroying the whole of her recollection. At the end, we all gathered round her. Some stroked her head and spoke their goodbyes, others bowed their heads and whispered them as prayer. But it was obvious from the quiet of the waiting room after, that what she left was much more than a hole.